The Man, The Myth, The Legend
by Kinkajouu
Summary: Kai has a crush on the latest rock star sensation. Hell, who wouldn’t love Tala Valkov? But when they unexpectedly meet, the last thing Kai expects is a night with his celebrity crush. Oneshot. WARNINGS: Lemon, yaoi, swearing.


- Kai has a crush on the latest rock star sensation. Hell, who wouldn't love Tala Valkov? But when they unexpectedly meet, the last thing Kai expects is a night with his celebrity crush.

- Warnings: Lemon, yaoi, swearing, absolutely _awful_ chat-up lines…

- Disclaimer: I own it not.

- A/N: Gah, this writer's block has been one _son of a bitch_ to get past -shakes fist-, but get past it I have (hopefully).

Dedicated to x-rated-romance and MarianQ. Because you are both fab!

Everyone else is fab, too! Enjoy!

* * *

**The Man, The Myth, The Legend**

All dolled up and ready to pull, Kai Hiwatari hurried down the sodden street, his head bowed against the rain. He didn't want the wet droplets to ruin his pretty eyes, otherwise his efforts of looking gorgeous would be ruined. Kai raised his head to look at the entrance of his favourite gay club - the queue to get in was _ridiculously_ long!

Kai growled to himself, and hurried to the back of the line. Instantly, a few more people zoomed up behind him, chatting excitedly. Kai felt a bit lonely - every man here seemed to have a friend with him, and Kai appeared to be the only one who hadn't.

Scowling to himself, Kai eyed up the men in from of him. They certainly weren't dressed for _this_ kind of weather. It was fucking freezing, and these men had shirts wide open, revealing their chests, and jeans pulled low down over their arses! And Kai had long since decided that a hairy bum crack was not good look at this early in the night. He needed a few drinks before he could look at a furry backside. And even then it was no guarantee that he wouldn't puke.

Body hair made him want to vomit.

Kai shivered as the queue moved forwards a little. He rubbed his arms, and stuck his head out of the queue to see how much further he had to shuffle before he was at the entrance. He scowled some more when he was that there were still _fuckloads_ of people in the queue.

He was about to retract his head, when some very rude person pushed passed him, surrounded by guards. Kai frowned at the man who had pushed passed him, and he turned his head towards Kai to give a quick shout.

"Sorry about that, dahlin'!"

Kai continued to watch as the man was quickly let into the club, not having to queue. He also looked to have been let in free of charge. Who the _fuck_ did that guy think he was?! Tala fucking Valkov? Kai shook his head, pushing the rude man out of his mind, and shuffling forwards a bit more.

Kai breathed a sigh of relief when he finally reached the door. Just as he was about to walk in, one of the bouncers stopped him. Kai raised an eyebrow, and stared up at the burly bouncer.

"Is there a problem?" Kai asked coolly.

"Sorry mate, have you got any ID?" the bouncer replied.

Kai sighed, and whipped out his driving licence. The bouncer examined it, before deeming it acceptable. He gave Kai his licence back, and let him through the door. Kai was officially fed up of the bouncers IDing him every time he went there. And he went there often enough, so why wouldn't they just accept the fact that he was legal?!

He paid the man at the desk the money to get into the club, and instantly went to one of the quieter rooms. Most of the men preferred to be in the main, louder rooms, snogging one another, and intimately dancing with one another. _Very_ intimately.

Kai hated all the closeness in the main rooms, he hated all the attention from sleazy drunks who just wanted to get a piece of arse. As Kai sat at the bar in the quieter room, he took a look around. The men in this room were just chatting, batting their eyelashes, having _fun_ dancing. Not fucking grinding against one another. Kai was more likely to meet a nice bloke in this room, and perhaps have a good chat, which is all he wanted, really.

"Double vodka, please, Spence," Kai said to the blonde bartender.

Spencer nodded, and quickly placed a glass in front of Kai.

"You're starting off with the strong shit tonight, Kai," Spencer commented, going back to cleaning the glass he had been cleaning before Kai ordered his drink.

"Yeah… Had a shit day, had to queue for fucking _ages_ outside, and then this total _wanker_ fucking pushed passed everyone in the queue and fucking got in! I mean, what the fuck's that all about?!"

Spencer chuckled.

"You're your usual happy self, then?"

Kai grunted, and downed his vodka. He slid the glass across the bar, back towards Spencer, who immediately filled it back up with another double. Kai downed that, too, and waved off Spencer who was about to fill it back up.

"Nah, I'll give it a rest a minute. I'm gonna go dance with someone," Kai said, sliding off his stool, and taking a look around the room.

Noticing that everybody seemed to be dancing with somebody, Kai sighed, and shuffled over to a corner of the room, and began dancing by himself. He had to admit that he was a _damn_ good dancer, and the song he was dancing to just made it all the fucking better. The club was playing 'Ultraviolet' by Tala Valkov, and Kai had to admit that he was a tiny little bit in love with this song.

Tala Valkov wasn't fucking bad looking, either.

"You like this song?" someone said into Kai's ear.

Kai opened his eyes (when had he closed them? He really had to learn to not randomly close his eyes) and stared at who was talking to him. It just so happened to be the very rude guy who barged past him in the queue, and then called him 'dahlin''!

"Love it," Kai replied shortly.

"Me too," the guy said, adjusting his sunglasses so his eyes were well-hidden. He took Kai's arm. "Let's dance."

Kai wanted to protest, to tell this dude that he was a tosspot, but Kai somehow found himself joining hands with this guy, and dancing in the middle of the room with him. Kai was relieved to find that this guy wasn't one of the blokes who grinded himself on his dance partner. Kai really didn't think he could handle that from such an arsehole like this bloke.

When the song finished, Kai was dismayed to see that this bloke wasn't about to dance and leave, like many other men did. He was one of the ones who insisted on buying him a drink. Kai knew this because he was being pulled towards the bar. And he _hated_ being pulled around like some little bitch.

"Yo! Barman! Get me and this gorgeous little fella a double vodka each!" the bloke called at Spencer.

Spencer nodded, and Kai frowned. 'Little fella'? He won't deny that he was gorgeous… But he never liked being called 'little fella'. Not unless it was aimed at his penis, anyway.

Kai raised his eyebrow as the drinks were served, and this annoying bloke sat beside him downed his vodka, and then grinned. Kai knew he was about to start talking, and also downed his vodka to ready himself for potential idiotness.

"So, I don't think we've actually introduced ourselves. My name's Tala. Tala Val- er, Ivanov."

"Kai Hiwatari. Pleasure," Kai replied bluntly, hoping that Tala would get the hint and just fucking leave.

"Oh no, dahlin', the pleasure's all mine," Tala grinned broadly.

Kai scowled. There it was again. Tala had fucking called him 'dahlin'' again.

"Come on, Kai. Give us a smile. I bet you're so much gorgeous when you smile," Tala said, the grin not slipping off his face.

When Kai didn't reply or smile, just simply raise his eyebrow again, Tala sighed and reached out and pulled the corners of Kai's mouth upwards with his thumbs.

"There we go, a smile at last," Tala laughed.

Kai had an urge to bite Tala's fucking thumbs off, but before he had the chance, Tala had removed them and was flagging Spencer down for another drink. _Who the fuck did Tala think he was_?!

"Excuse me for saying this… But you look remarkably like Tala Valkov," Kai said dully.

Tala froze.

"Really? You think so? Hahahahahahahahaaaa, what a compliment," Tala burst out, holding his sunglasses right to his face.

Kai raised his eyebrow yet again, and reached out to Tala, who just gaped at him.

"I want to see your eyes," Kai said, and quickly snatching Tala's sunglasses off his face, before Tala could keep them firmly on.

Kai's eyes studied the face in front of him. The ice-blue eyes, the well-shaped eyebrows, that cute little nose. Yep, it was definitely who he thought it was.

"You _are_ Tala Valkov, aren't you?" Kai said quietly.

Tala snatched his sunglasses back from Kai, and rammed them back onto his face.

"The man, the myth, the legend," he replied.

Kai stared.

"Yes. I am Tala Valkov," Tala replied.

Kai snorted, and told Spencer to bring some shots over. Kai placed three in front of him, and three in front of Tala. Kai downed his first - an Apple Sourz shot - and watched as Tala stared at his shots. Tala looked at Kai, and Kai continued to stare, so Tala downed his first shot, too. Then, the worst thing spilled out of his mouth.

"Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got '_fine_' written all over you."

Kai stared. Oh God, Tala had started on the chat-up lines. Kai quickly downed his second shot - a Peach Sourz - and Tala followed suit. Kai wanted to ram that little shot glass down Tala's throat, but before he could do so, more atrocities spilled from his mouth.

"Were you arrested earlier? It's got to be illegal to look that good."

Kai didn't know whether to laugh, punch Tala, or turn very red. He settled for downing his last shot - Jager - and Tala followed suit. Kai was almost horrified when Tala rested his head on Kai's shoulder, and look up from behind his sunglasses. Kai chose now as the time to turn very red.

"Erm, Tala…"

"Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes…"

Tala might be hot, and he might be leaning on Kai's shoulder in a seducing manner, but God, Kai couldn't take any more of those _awful_ chat-up lines. As Tala opened his mouth to say another, Kai leaned down and shoved his tongue into Tala's mouth. Tala slowly closed his eyes behind his glasses, and pushed Kai's tongue back with his own. Spencer watched on in amusement, chuckling to himself. He whipped their shot glasses away, and went to serve another drunkard.

Kai and Tala didn't stop their kissing until a guard came up to them, and tapped them both on the shoulder. They broke away, and looked around at the burly man in a suit before them.

"Tala, sir, we need to leave now," the man said.

"Oh," Tala said, somewhat disappointed. "It was just getting good, as well," he mumbled.

Kai watched as Tala got up, and straightened out his clothes. Tala looked at Kai, and Kai looked at Tala, both of them not wanting Tala to leave. As Kai was about to tell Tala that he had better get going, Tala pulled Kai up into a kiss, and poked his tongue out at his guard when they broke apart.

"Nah, I think I'll stay at Kai's tonight," he said, winking at Kai.

"Oh, invite yourself, why don't you," Kai said, sounding annoyed, but actually grinning.

"But, Tala-!" the guard began to protest.

"No. I'm staying at Kai's. I'll meet you at the hotel tomorrow. I think I'll be alright getting there," Tala said sternly.

"Tala-!"

"NO!" Tala shouted, and all the men in the room turned to look at the kerfluffle going on by the bar.

Kai death glared every single one of them, and they all turned back to what they were doing before. Tala glared at his guard, and grabbed Kai's hand again, pulling him out onto the street and into the pouring rain. Kai sighed. He was being pulled around like some little bitch again.

"So, erm… Which way is your house?" Tala asked nervously, looking about.

"This way," Kai replied, pulling Tala down the street in the direction he came from. "Don't worry, I don't live too far away."

"I feel a bit pissed, y'know…" Tala mumbled, linking arms with Kai.

"It'll be the shots," Kai nodded. "I'm so used to them, that it'd take about 12 to affect me."

Tala cuddled up to Kai as they walked down the street. Luckily, Tala was still wearing his sunglasses, and it was quite dark, so Tala couldn't see Kai's horrendous blushing. He wasn't used to people being so… _Close_ to him like this.

Fifteen minutes later, and they were stood outside Kai's house, though he wasn't too sure if Tala was even awake anymore… He had been strangely quiet, and hadn't really moved (except for his legs, obviously). Kai poked him in the head.

"We're here."

Tala raised his head, and took off his sunglasses. Kai noticed how, even in the pitch black, Tala's eyes shone their bright blue. Tala surveyed the front of the house for a moment, before smiling.

"It's not as big as mine."

"Fucker," Kai said, grinning and leading Tala up to the front door.

Kai slipped his key into the lock, and pushed against the door, opening it. All the while, Tala couldn't help but give Kai's arse a little squeeze. Once inside, Kai turned to Tala and frowned.

"Did you just squeeze my arse?"

"Erm… Maybe?"

Kai shook his head, and proceeded to take off his jacket and shoes. He motioned at Tala to do the same, who had just been staring at Kai's arse when he was bent over taking his shoes off. Tala snapped out of his trance, and also took his coat and shoes off.

"Coffee?" Kai asked, leading Tala into the kitchen.

"Only if it comes with a spoonful of sex," Tala muttered back.

"What?" Kai asked Tala, turning to him.

"Erm, sure," Tala smiled, not daring to push his luck. He was already in this hottie's house, but a night in bed would top things off nicely.

Kai turned the coffee pot on, and sat at his pristine table. Tala looked around. Everything was so _clean_. Getting bored of looking at how precise things were, Tala took to watching Kai instead, who was attempting to find cups. When he stumbled across some, he made a little "aha!" sound. Tala chuckled. Kai turned around, blushing a little.

"Sorry, I've just had the kitchen refitted, and everything's moved," he explained.

Tala waved it off with his hand, and Kai went back to making the coffee.

"How do you take it?" Kai called over his shoulder.

"Up the arse," Tala mumbled.

"What?"

"White, two sugars."

"Okay."

Tala groaned. He wished Kai would forget about the damn coffee and show him with the bedroom with the vibrating, Queen-size, fluffy bed was! And there would be whips and chains, and lots of handcuffs… And anal beads. Anal beads were Tala's favourite toy right now.

Tala groaned again, realising that by letting his thoughts run away, he'd just given himself an erection. He pulled himself closer to the table, so that Kai wouldn't see the tent in his trousers. Kai served the coffee, and took a seat opposite Tala.

"So… Why did you visit the most popular gay club here, then?" Kai asked, blowing on his coffee.

"My hottie-senses were tingling," Tala replied, winking.

Kai rolled his eyes, and took a sip of his black coffee. Tala stirred his coffee absent-mindedly with the spoon that Kai had left in his cup. He stared at Kai with a blank expression on his face.

'_Good God… He's so fucking hot… All I want to do is get him into bed… I should really find something to cure my sex obsession_," Tala thought.

He dropped his eyes when Kai looked up at him. Kai winced, noticing that the air was thick.

'_I can't believe I have Tala fucking Valkov sat in my kitchen, drinking coffee. He must want more, though… Why else would he just come with me to my house? I definitely won't say no, that's for sure_,' Kai thought, taking another sip of his coffee.

Tala raised his cup, and as he was taking a sip, stared at Kai over the rim. It was unusual for Tala to be this entranced by someone. As Tala let his eyes drift down Kai's torso, Kai stuck his hand up his shirt to scratch his chest, giving Tala a bit of a eyeful of flesh. Tala choked on his coffee, and dropped the cup right into his lap, the coffee spilling everywhere.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Tala yelled, jumping up and fanning his groin.

"Fanning it isn't going to help!" Kai yelled, also jumping up and rushing over to Tala.

"What the Hell to do suggest I do then?!" Tala cried, tears in his eyes, and hands grasped firmly over his family jewels.

"You'll have to get changed," Kai said, blushing at the thought. "Erm, I probably have something that _might_ fit you…"

Tala couldn't believe his luck as Kai took his hand, and led him up the stairs.

'_Oh my fucking God. We're going to his room! We're going to fuck!_' Tala thought, the hard-on that had been deflated by coffee now springing to life once again.

Tala took a look around Kai's room when they entered it, discreetly shutting the door behind them. Kai walked over to a large dresser, and opened the third draw, revealing all the trousers he owned.

"Your room is huge," Tala commented, plopping himself down on the end of the bed.

"Yeah… Don't sit on the bed, though, you'll get coffee stains on it!" Kai replied, glancing at Tala.

Tala rolled his eyes at the reprimand, and stood up again. He walked to the side of the room, and opened a door, revealing an en suite bathroom. Tala nodded his approval, but had to make a comment to Kai.

"An en suite… Nice. But what you've got to remember is that all the bedrooms in my house have en suites."

"Oh, all right, show off," Kai grinned, pulling out a grey pair of jeans. "These should fit you. They're way too long for me. My Gran sent them to me for my birthday. She thinks I'm taller than I actually am, and no matter how many times I tell her what size to get, she still gets me trousers that are too long."

Tala chuckled, taking the jeans from Kai.

"Erm… Do you need any… Y'know, underwear," Kai asked, blushing.

"Nah, I'll go commando. I'm already going commando, so it doesn't bother me," Tala said, beginning to undo his coffee-stained jeans.

Kai nodded, not too sure whether he was alright with having another man's penis let loose in his jeans. Then, he realised that he'd never worn the jeans, would never wear the jeans, and that Tala is extremely sexy. Kai concluded that he wasn't bothered about having Tala's penis roam free in a pair of his trousers.

Kai turned around as Tala pulled down his own trousers. He looked up, disappointed to find Kai looking in the opposite direction. Tala decided to go into tease mode. He dumped both pairs of jeans on the floor, and took off his remaining clothes. He lay back on Kai's bed, utterly naked, and wishing he had a rose between his teeth to top the scene off.

"You done?" Kai asked.

"Yeah," Tala replied, grinning.

Kai turned around to see Tala sprawled out on his bed, butt-naked, legs akimbo, and raging hard-on, well, being a raging hard-on. Kai spluttered and turned back around.

"I thought you said you were done?!" Kai exclaimed.

"I am done. Done with all this pussyfooting around," Tala replied, getting up off the bed and pressing himself against Kai's back. "I want to fuck, and I _know_ you want to fuck. So let's fuck."

Kai had to commend Tala on his bluntness, but didn't know what to say in reply to that. Instead of saying anything, Kai gulped and turned around slowly, coming face-to-face with Tala, who was wearing a triumphant grin.

Kai nervously leaned in to kiss Tala, fully aware that Tala's arousal was pressing against him. Kai was a little unsure about kissing Tala this time - perhaps it was to do with the fact that Tala was naked.

When Tala felt Kai's nervous kiss, he brought his hands up to Kai's head, and pulled him forwards, aiming to deepen it, as Kai didn't seem able to right now. Kai wrapped his arms around Tala, still extremely nervous, and ran his hand up Tala's smooth back.

Tala pulled away, and pulled off Kai's shirt. Kai blushed as Tala surveyed him.

"What's the matter? You're acting like a fucking virgin. You're not, are you?" Tala asked,

"No," Kai replied, shaking his head and trying desperately to not look down at Tala's cock. "It's just been a while, is all…"

Tala nodded, and sat down at the edge of the bed. Kai couldn't help but look down at the pole in Tala's lap. Tala smirked, and pulled Kai closer by the waistband of his jeans. Tala slowly undid them, kissing and dipping his tongue into Kai's navel as he did so.

Kai stepped out of his jeans as Tala pulled them down, and he quickly bent down to take his socks off, leaving it all in a pile on the floor. Tala pulled Kai forward, and sat him down on his lap, so Tala's erection was rubbing against Kai's clothed one.

"I fucking hate it when it's being grinded against," Kai mumbled into Tala's ear.

"I fucking love it," Tala grinned.

"You would."

Tala fell backwards, bringing Kai down on top of him, but not for long, as he flipped their positions so Kai was underneath him. Tala slipped his hand into Kai's boxers, and at the same time, slipped his tongue into Kai's mouth. Tala had a good feel around in Kai's boxers, making Kai moan, and when Tala pulled back, the smile on his face told Kai he approved.

"Niiiice. Big and completely rock hard," Tala winked, giving Kai's erection a squeeze.

Kai blushed again, but smirked at Tala. He put his thumbs under the waistband of his boxers, and pulled them down just enough to let 'little Kai' spring free. Tala's eyes seemed to widen at the size of Kai's huge erection. Tala took over, and pulled Kai's boxers completely down, and off over Kai's ankles. He threw the underwear in a corner of the room.

Tala looked down at the _gorgeous_, naked guy beneath him, and couldn't resist teasing him a bit more by rubbing their erections together. Kai moaned, and pushed upwards towards Tala. Tala grinned.

"Rub, rub, rub!"

"Tala… Stop…"

"Grind, grind, grind!"

"Tala! Just fuck me!"

"Just keep rubbing, just keep rubbing, rubbing, rubbing, rubbing, rubbing, all we gotta do is rub…"

"TALA!"

"Sorry."

Tala pulled up and away from Kai, and looked around the room, pouting. He needed something to use as a lubricant.

"Baby oil. Bathroom. No questions," Kai said shortly, putting an arm behind him, and stroking himself.

Tala tried very hard to not drool, and asked no questions about why Kai had baby oil. He quickly jogged to the bathroom and back, fetching the baby oil, his stiffy bouncing all over the place. He crawled back onto the bed, and settled himself in between Kai's legs.

"If it's been a while for you, then you're going to be pretty tight," Tala commented.

Kai nodded, and drew his legs up so Tala would have better access. Tala flicked the lid of the baby oil open, and poured some onto his fingers. Flicking the lid back on for the moment, Tala dropped the baby oil onto the bed, and pressed his coated fingers against Kai's hole.

"You ready for this, dahlin'?" he asked.

Kai nodded, and closed his eyes as he felt one of Tala's long fingers enter him. His breathing got faster along with his heartbeat, and he moaned as he felt Tala's finger wiggling around inside him.

Tala pushed another finger in, making Kai cry out. Damn, he really _was_ tight. Tala scissored his fingers, making Kai wince. We he sure he wasn't a virgin? Tala entered his third digit, gently pushing all three fingers in and out of Kai, making him wide enough for what was coming next.

Kai let out a mewl of disapproval as Tala removed his fingers. Tala shushed the sexy gay beneath him with a kiss as he undid the bottle of baby oil again, and coated 'little Tala' in it. Once he deemed it lubed up enough, he put the cap back on the baby oil, and dropped it back onto the bed. He positioned himself back at Kai's entrance, and pushed the head of his cock in.

Kai's head went back as he felt Tala enter him a little, and reached out, and placed Tala's hand on his erection, urging Tala to stroke him. Tala did so happily, and pushed his entire length into Kai.

"Ahh! Oh God, Tala!" Kai cried out when Tala was fully inside him.

"Tell me what you want," Tala whispered, kissing Kai's chest.

"More…"

"You'll have to be more specific, dahlin'."

"I want… You… To move."

"You want me to fuck you?

"Oh God, yes."

Tala sucked on the pale chest, leaving a love bite, before eventually granting Kai's wish and started to move. Tala tried his best to tease Kai by moving unbearably slow. Kai protested, wanting Tala to go faster, and Tala found that he couldn't help but go faster. He needed to reach his own limit.

Tala's slippery hand was still wrapped around Kai's erection, and the pumps Tala's hand was giving it were getting faster and faster. Kai was becoming more vocal, and as Tala banged into Kai's prostate, Kai let out the loudest cry yet. All of Kai's moans and cries were just urging Tala to go faster, and go faster he did.

"Fuck… Tala… Coming," Kai panted in between moans.

A bead of sweat poured down Kai's face, and his head tilted right back as he hit his orgasm. He semen spilled all over Tala's hand, but Tala didn't stop thrusting, and nor did he stop stroking. With one last grunt, one last thrust and one last stroke, Tala came into Kai, and collapsed on top of the sweaty hottie beneath him.

They both lay there, panting, neither having the energy to move. Kai opened his eyes (again, when had he closed them?!) and stared at Tala. The redhead had his own eyes closed, and was more than likely asleep. Kai gave him a sharp poke to the forehead. Tala opened his eyes and pouted.

"What was that for?"

"Y'know… Before tonight happened, I thought you were just another popular singer… Now I just think you're really weird."

"Is that any way to speak to the man who just gave you the best fuck of your life?"

"Yes."

Tala pulled himself out of Kai, and pressed their 'little ones' together. He began to grind them.

"Just keep rubbing, just keep rubbing, just keep rubbing, rubbing, rubbing, rubbing, all we gotta do is-"

"Stop grinding against me!"

* * *

A/N: 'Ultraviolet' is actually a song by The Stiff Dylans… Look it up, it's a fucking fantastic song. It just happened to be the first song to pop into my head XD

I built a snowman today :) Actually, my sister said, "can you help me build a snowman", but then I ended up building the damn thing on my own!! I've given it a pirate hat. XD

Apple Sourz shots are the BEST shots ever :O I actually love them. Take me on a night out, and I'm guaranteed to have 3 or 4... Or maybe more… ROFL.

I've actually got a shot glass in the kitchen… I nicked it :S I wasn't the only one, though! My 'friend', Chelsea, nicked two… Erm… LOL.

I didn't expect this to be so long… I think I've defeated the writer's block!

It ended on a random note… It also kind of turned into a humour fic… I didn't mean for that to happen. It just… Happened. LOL.

Reviews?


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